On April 23rd, 2015 I had the original idea for this website, and the title I liked was “Mood Money Magic.” It seemed like a perfect fit… at first.
I’ll get back to why the title changed, but first I want to explain my meaning of “Mood Money Magic,” before I over-thought it.
Do you ever wake up in a bad mood?
I do. Recently it’s an almost daily occurrence.
Regardless of how I feel when I go to sleep, my next day begins with restless thoughts and anxiety.
I’m not sure why.
Not knowing why bothers me, so I started thinking about my mood.
You don’t know me; but I’m logical, self critical, and prefer to be in control.
So, you understand why having a bad mood without reason is such an issue.
I don’t like being left in the dark about my own state of mind.
Since I rarely remember dreams, I start with thinking bluntly about the stresses in my life.
Money problems are at the top of my list.
Next up is being overweight, followed by running out of time.
There’s no crisis in my life right now, no specific events that I can blame for how I feel.
The best I can describe is a mix of uneasy thoughts about who I am, compared to who I thought I’d be. My mood is not unhappiness or depression, but looks like that to those around me.
So, does this sound like a midlife crisis to you?
But I’m only 33. Isn’t it too soon?
When I turned 30 and joked about being over the hill, I wasn’t really joking.
Turning 30 was a catalyst. That birthday was supposed to be a milestone of success. That was my unsaid goal age for completing my novel and having an established career.
Neither of those goals happened. My novel hasn’t moved for 10 years, and I’ve switched jobs three times in 5 years.
I’m not a failure in life. I’m happy and grateful for what I have. I am a proud father of two girls, own a home, and I’m employed.
That said, my mood spirals out of my control.
How can I be simultaneously happy and in a bad mood?
My attention is turned inward, even though I logically know that I’m missing out on life around me. I try to ignore the nagging feeling that I need to outthink my mood.
It works for awhile, and then the cycle restarts.
So, here I am, writing it out; still not making sense.
Where are we?
That’s right, the meaning of “Mood Money Magic.”
Basically, my mental salvage mission revealed what really matters to me.
Time and money.
Like it or not, if I’m this stressed about something it must have meaning to me.
First, I care about freedom to think.
My time not thinking feels like a waste.
My time is controlled by my need to work, which is a result of my responsibility to pay bills for myself and family.
Money is not my goal, but I need it.
Money makes things possible, offers opportunities.
My lack of money is a constant stress.
I work full time, living paycheck to paycheck.
I want better for my family and more time to think for myself.
My issue is that my time feels taken with little left for free thought.
That covers mood and money, so where’s the magic?
Everyone wants magic.
As kids, our imagination is our first friend. Growing up, we are in awe of new places and people. Things we don’t know are opportunities to explore. Our curiosity has free reign. We willingly follow wonder wherever it takes us.
Disney exists for this simple purpose; magic.
Strip away all the details of my long term goals, and you’ll see that what I want is magic.
My ideas and projects throughout the years all center around a desire to create magic in the world.
Money just buys time to help magic happen.
Since my priority is caring for my family, that’s where my money goes.
At 33 years old, I’m accepting that little time and money is left for magic.
Regardless how much money and magic, what I have each day is my mood.
“Mood Money Magic” is my effort to define and balance my daily mood.
Why not name my website “Mood Money Magic?”
Because the title is too vague to clearly share the purpose of this website.
I decided on “Midlife Mood” because the meaning is more obvious.
Don’t you think?
Next, see my latest posts (on the Midlife Mood blog) OR recordings (here).
PS – I do enjoy how closely “Mood Money Magic” sounds like “Blood Sugar Sex Magic” by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Though, at my age, “blood sugar” has a different meaning from when I was young.